You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
