you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
