i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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