I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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