You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
