when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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