Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
