He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
