you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
