Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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