you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
