Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
