I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
