Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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