You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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