A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
false alarm, still single
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
