i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
