Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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