Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
