you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
