just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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