hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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