Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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