I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
