Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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