I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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