Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
