college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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