I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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