And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize