That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
