Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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