CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
