Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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