Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
