i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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