Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
