Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
