Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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