I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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