Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
