Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
