I cockslap morals
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
