what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize