Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
