i was born a porn star she said
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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