my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
