im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize