i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wear drunk well.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
