When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
