The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
