i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
