maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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