what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
