So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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