is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
