someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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