If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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