I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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