also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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