hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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