So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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