I CAN MOONWALK!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
