It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
