Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
