I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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