I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
