You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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