i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
