My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
