It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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