why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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