Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
