I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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