Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
