I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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