Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
